A most unique bit of poetry

(9:06:03 AM) Andrew: for our discusions are a red, red rose
(9:06:15 AM) Andrew: its petals: our love
(9:06:28 AM) Andrew: the long stem... is argumentativity
(9:06:44 AM) Andrew: each leaf a new made up word
(9:06:58 AM) Andrew: how green are the chloraplasts of conceit!
(9:07:12 AM) Andrew: ;-)
(9:07:50 AM) Andrew: your face is a thorn. protecting the odiferous interior
(9:07:57 AM) Andrew: lol
(9:08:09 AM) Andrew: think about it

Can I do it?

I wonder often about this question, though maybe not in the way that it would first appear. I don't wonder about if I'll be able to make it through the day. I don't think about technical dilemmas I may face at my job. I'm not concerned with choosing the right clothes to wear tomorrow. What I worry about is purpose.

This is what I do: I wonder if what I'm doing tonight will matter in 30 years, I fret about wasting those two hours watching Liar Liar again, I ponder how to stay true to who I am while staying faithful to Jesus in all that I do, etc. I wonder about how I spend my time and what the point of getting into running really is. I wonder if I could ever maintain a romantic relationship with someone, much less get into one in the first place! Will I be a good father if that day ever comes? Will I love my wife well? Will I love my Lord God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength? Do I do these things now? How do I validate my beliefs? How important is it to be completely sold out for Jesus? Do I have to go all the way? Why am I wired the way that I am? How can I do my job well? Is this the right job for me? Am I living in the country God wants me in? Should I be involved with college ministry through Cru or help lead the 5th and 6th graders at Bethlehem?

I could go on all night with these questions, but what would be the point? The point would be for me to process them for myself. There are so many things that I wish I could be. Lord willing, I will become what is best.

Where is Today?

So I figured that it was about time to recap the last few months of life here in Scottland. I graduated, bummed around for a month, then got a job at Starkey Labs as a Wireless Engineer! It's pretty much a dream job, doing what I want to and making too much money in the process.

Oh yeah, I should also mention that we (Ben Cornish, Taylor Gould, Cloid Green, Richard Blonigen, Dave Carpenter and me) moved into a place in Uptown after graduation. It's an incredible location, 2 blocks from Lake Calhoun and Calhoun Square, so right in the middle of everything. I have my own room (which is a complete mess) and things are going very well.

I recently signed up for the TBI Essentials course at Bethlehem. I'm pretty excited about that, it'll be a great way to continue to be challenged and grow while at the same time really get plugged into the Bethlehem community. I was thinking about getting involved in the Senior High Ministry but the Lord has been showing me that I belong in Youth Ministry, hopefully 6th grade.

I've really been convicted about how I have been spending my time. I don't want to be wasting my days after work, or even during work for that matter! I want the things I do to matter. I don't care about getting rid of things that are wasteful, those will go away as I fill my schedule with meaningful activities.

On the note of meaningful activities, I have yet to decide if this blog is on that list. If it finds its way there, you can expect to hear a lot more from me in the coming days. If not, this will continue to be updated every 3 to 6 months as it has been in the past :-)

Doers of the word

8/21/2008
I just found this post that I wrote in the beginning of April 2008. I was writing my Spring Retreat talk and was getting rather feisty. Take it as you will:



James 1:19-27

19^(AG) Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person^(AH) be quick to hear,^(AI) slow to speak,^(AJ) slow to anger; 20for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. 21Therefore^(AK) put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with^(AL) meekness the implanted word,^(AM) which is able to save your souls.

22But be^(AN) doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. 23For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. 24For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. 25But the one who looks into the perfect law,^(AO) the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts,^(AP) he will be blessed in his doing.

26If anyone thinks he is religious^(AQ) and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s^(AR) religion is worthless. 27Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this:^(AS) to visit^(AT) orphans and widows in their affliction, and^(AU) to keep oneself^(AV) unstained from the world.

When I think of Christianity, what comes to mind is not people who do. Instead, I think of philosophers who want to understand God and let their minds be transformed so that they are the perfect Christian. That is foolishness.

I was thinking about how the early church spent time with God and this passage came to mind. I'm betting that the first Christians didn't spend their time together talking theology or mincing the details of one of the letters they had received. I'm betting their alone time consisted of praying and maybe studying the Scriptures (OT). When they got together, someone might read one of the letters from an apostle and they probably celebrate communion. If I were going to characterize the lives of the early church just from my head, I'd say that they were much more active than christians are today. I love the quote from Don't Waste Your Life where the Roman Emperor is complaining that not only is there not a single Jew who is a beggar, but the Galileans are taking care of all the poor, not just their own! Why is that not so now!!!?!?!?! We are deceiving ourselves, because we are not doers of the word!

I don't mean to be so harsh on Christians, but then again I do. How can we even bear that name when we are not acting on what we know?

Spring Retreat + Thoughts

Earlier in the year I had expressed interest to Bob about speaking at the Spring Retreat. I just got an email from him saying that if I wanted to, I can speak. So I'm spending today praying about it, hopefully following God above all. I know that I personally would love the experience, but I need to take this to Him. I want to be following Jesus, not myself. I want to know that Jesus is worth my life, not just some guy that few billion people are obsessing about.

It really struck me last night in bible study as we were praying how absurd it looks that a bunch of guys are in a room talking what seems like a ghost in the air. It just occurred to me now that that is exactly what it looks like to people who don't believe that God exists. I find myself in a questioning mood lately as I think about surrendering every bit of my life to Christ. If I am to live entirely for him, I want to be fully convinced that He is real, alive, and worth my life. I don't want to depend on euphemisms and christianese to convince myself of the validity of Christ's claims about himself and God. As I look to my future, I know that a life lived for myself would be wasted. I know that God gives me purpose and I feel complete when I'm living for Him. But I need to know it. In my very soul, not just my mind. I think that most of my life, faith has been located in the mind. How much different would I look if what I "believed" was rooted deep into everything that defined me. My deepest desires would be aligned with Christs. Nothing that I would do or say would be outside of the influence of Christ. I barely know what it looks like for anything to be that way. I have always tried to live in emotional unattachment.

Something that Jack said yesterday about his relationship with Erica really got to me. He said that he could never get the reaction out of her that others could. That outrageous smile filled with a deep joy that could only come spontaneously. Love. That's what I think it is. Not necessarily romantic love, but love none the less. You know the feeling, when you see that good friend and immediately you get so happy that you can be here with them that you rush over and give them a hug with all your might! I love that feeling, when you genuinely care about someone that much. When you can't think of anything better than spending time with them. That is love. That is what I want with Jesus.

The New Year

So after a trip to Montana to ski on some amazing snow over Christmas, we headed back to Minnesota to have a little celebration at the Farm. That was just great; I got to hang out with family and play some cribbage. It was pretty sweet. Afterwards I actually managed to make it to the last day of TCX, which ended up just being fantastic! Such a great day and I'm so glad that I went, especially after a week of really not talking to God or reading the Word. I just felt spiritually hungry, and I got fed that day.

And now I'm here, sitting in my house with nothing to do for the next three weeks since we decided not to road trip to California. I am going to work on my senior design project, but I need motivation. I need to get my butt out of my house and get some work done. But even with that project to occupy my time, I need more. I need a project. I need the Lord to give me something that I can feel accomplishment by investing my time into it. The thought crossed my mind to do ministry here like we did in East Asia. I think that would be pretty fun and want to try. That means spending an allotted amount of time doing min. I really need to break up my schedule. Maybe that can be my task for today. I also really need groceries. Man, I haven't thought this whole break thing through yet. I'm excited for it, but I don't want it to be a failure and it very well could be.

Peace out!

Life thus far

I'm getting bored. Why isn't life gripping me like it has before? Where's the excitement and adventure? Am I just not seeking it or is this just a time when stuff will be boring? Or maybe life is exciting and I'm just not paying attention. Hmm, things to ponder.

Kate gets back today, I'm so excited to see her! I think that barely anything compares to that, except for this feeling of impending doom relating to finals. I'm having so much trouble studying and I lost all of yesterday for it because I went to Centenial and Andrew was completely distracting. It was pretty fun though; I want to hang out with that guy more, and not just to do homework.

Winter break is looking like it'll be awesome. I'm missing TCX for the 4th year, but am gaining skiing in Montana with Travis and my family! I love it. Then we come back and do Christmas at the farm, followed by a week and a half of nothing planned. Then on the 12th of January I leave for California! Wow, I am so surprised that I'm actually going to do that. It's completely spur of the moment, but I have never been to Cali and have always wanted to. I hope it's fun. And then next semester will be sweet with my Tuesday Thursday schedule. I'm still not sure about Vines and Wines on M W nights, but Andrew wants me to stay in it, so I might.

Well, that's as much of an update as I feel like giving right now, for all of my avid readers :)

Oh Gravity

So a good friend is asking a girl out today. Bummer deal is that I'm kinda interested in her too. What to do? I'm considering others interests above my own. And I think it's the best course of action, because what would I accomplish by messing with this? I would disrupt the relationship I have with my friend and the girl would be faced with a decision that she otherwise wouldn't need to even deal with. So I guess that I'm secretly hoping she says no to my friend so that I can pursue her, but I also think he's a better man and would be better at pursuing her. Basically, I'm number two.

And oh yeah, Switchfoot has a concert tonight that I'm not going to.

Observant

I was basically told last night that I am observant. Erin Rippl said that I look like I am taking it all in whenever I enter a room, or I carry myself in a way that kind of sends that signal. I especially like to make observations about human interaction and my own thinking processes. Knowing yourself is so fun and being self-aware allows for a lot more self improvement than not.

and I agree with Erin, I try to be observant

Exclusivity

Mitch just hit on the major weak spot of Cru bible studies. They aren't approachable. He just mentioned that he was inviting people to the bible study, not understanding that it's not the same as last year where anyone could come. This is a good thing when you look at the level of study possible with guys who are all committed and somewhat experienced learners, but the weakness shows through when we see how the exclusivity of the study (supposedly necessary to build community and depth) discourages the use of the Body of Christ to minister to those who don't know Jesus or may be new infants in their faith. whoa. That's intense. Am I suggesting that all studies are equally accessible to promote the invitation of others to participate in some amazing Christian fellowship? I think I am.